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Control your flame

Writer's picture: Preethi Preethi

The other day, I learned that once you put a lid on top of the candle, the fire diffuses within a matter of seconds. What was meant to last for hours and linger throughout the space is quickly but safely shut down by this lid.


We can apply this same method to situations where our anger is ignited.


I want you to picture this scenario.

Today was your rest/relaxation day. You decided to pamper yourself, clean your room, and spend the day doing little things that make you at peace. You feel so good that you decide to cook a hearty dinner for your partner/family member when they come back from work/school.


After buying all the ingredients and carefully preparing the meal, you eagerly set it on the table and wait for the person to come back home.

You even light a sweet-scented candle to add an extra touch to the ambiance.


As their keys jingle through the door, you excitedly stand up to welcome them and say you cooked dinner. They look at you with weary eyes and say thanks but they head to their room telling you they're going to bed early.


Now, how would you feel at this moment?

After spending all that time preparing and cooking for a nice meal with someone you cared about, they barely even noticed your effort nonetheless showed any appreciation.


Would you be angry, flustered, or hurt?

Would you call out after them saying how insensitive they are to not notice your hard work?

Or would you take that moment to realize, wow well they weren’t looking too good. Maybe something happened at work/school.

Although your day was relaxing, their day looked like it did a number on them.


It’s difficult to take on this second perspective, especially when the scenario isn't as simple and or people repeatedly do this to you.

But it is so important to not let anger have control over you.


Keeping our anger in check requires us to re-align our emotions that may otherwise start to get out of hand. It allows us to be bigger than temporary moments of frustration that can otherwise cause us to lash out.


Think about the last time you were in an argument with someone and how it ended up coming to a resolution. Usually, when one person is angry and the other person is calm, the angry person can calm down quicker. If both people are angry and are lashing out at each other it becomes messy and maybe even physical, because no one is listening to each other.


But when there is one side that may be hostile, and one side of the spectrum is controlled, the angered individual will be able to hear their own voice yelling over the person speaking calmly, which can signal to them that they should get themself together.


You can be stern without being angry. But the sternness does not come from a place of the offense. It comes from a place of love.


So the next time someone or something aggravates you, bring yourself back and think will it do me any good to be angry and let this affect my day? Will what I say or do to this person reflect how I feel for them after this temporary moment of frustration?


If the answer is no, you’re better off taking a breather and stepping aside.


Anger is just like a lighted candle. The longer you let it burn, the longer its fumes stay in the air and soon floods the whole space. Even after the light is out, the scent lingers.


So when it comes to situations that anger us, we don’t want this flame of anger to burn for long. We want to put a lid on it as quickly as we can because the more that candle burns, the less of it remains.

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